The 11th Treatment

I had to go for a lung function test on Thursday. Every time I go, my lung function decreases but it is not showing the precipitous drop associated with thickening of the lungs that can be a side effect of the bleomycin. The doctors say that over time my lungs should start repairing themselves.

This infusion was a tough one. I was scheduled to get my blood drawn at 8:00, have my doctor's appointments at 9:00 and my infusion at 10:00. After getting my blood drawn, my Dad and I went to get coffee at the coffee shop. When we returned to the office at 9:00 the nurse asked where we had been. The doctor had been trying to reach us since 8:30. She asked why we didn't bring a beeper with us. I asked why I was learning that beepers were available during my 11th treatment and not earlier. Of course, the doctor who wanted to see me at 8:30 was not available at 9:00 so we waited in a room for 30 minutes. The irony is that the doctors have never been on time for any of the infusions.

When it was time to get the infusion I had to wait because the pharmacy had not put the order together. It took 3 trys to find a vein and they weren't sure that the 3rd try was a success either. It turned out to be OK so they continued with the infusion. My arm has been black and blue for the last 7 days and it doesn't look like it's going away anytime soon.

I've felt more fatigue than usual after this infusion. I spend all of my time either working, eating or sleeping. I'm spending so much time in bed that I'm starting to get aches and pains in my muscles. One night I felt pain every time I inhaled. I'm always concerned that it is a symptom of lung damage but my doctors say that it is muscle related. I'm also getting some of the strange arm aches in the arm I got the infusion in. The spots where they repeatedly stuck me with the needle are especially sensitive.

I've been sneezing like crazy. I suspect it is allergy related. Everything is blooming outside all at once. I've also been coughing more than usual. I'm going to keep an eye on the cough. My absolute neutrophyl count is the lowest it has ever been. It's down to 80. A doctor friend told me that this means I basically have no immune system right now. It's really important that I avoid getting an infection right now.

I've been more moody lately than I've been during my treatment so far. I think the ending of treatments brings on a lot of emotions. Some people cry for days after their last treatment. It feels like I'll be in limbo after my final treatment. Am I cured? Am I in remission? Am I living with cancer? What does it all mean? My doctors tell me that my prognosis is excellent and that I'll probably live a long life and this will never come back. Then again who knows what the future will bring. I suppose this is the uncertainty that life holds for everyone. Most of the time we assume that everything will be fine. The truth of life is that nobody knows if they will make it to their next meal. I guess this just proves that we should make the most of every moment and live in the present.

My final treatment is scheduled for 8 days from today.